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This happens to me all the time at work.
“Do you know where the christmas cake is?”
“Its right behind you.”
“No, not that one, the one I’m thinking of has a green package, my daughter just bought it…”
DO people honestly thing we have an encyclpedic knowledge of everythig in our workplace?
I believe that cake is in isle 9000+
ITS OVER 9000!!!!!!!!
But the cake is a lie.
So there is 9000 lies?
IT’S OVER 9000!!!
wait over 90?
What does the scanner say about his power level?
WHAT 9000?!!?!!?
also, they think that we are completely aware of any and all media references to any item that we have in our store. “It was the book by that asian guy on the Colbert Report two weeks ago.” or “It was this book, about the middle east, they were talking about it on NPR this morning” or “It was in the NY Tmes review last week, something about birds…”
Actually it was in [obscure local paper from halfway across the country]. There was a guy on the cover.
I, too, work at a book store. I’m a big proponent of relaying the store by color instead of subject. Then we can just direct people to the blue books.
You’d still have to have a separate section for when people ask for “a coffee table book, with pictures.”
That section is called the ‘waterhead’ section. It’s behind the ficus.
My wife used to work at Borders and she could always find the book, no matter how obscure and/or blue the cover description was.
Wow, sounds like a real whore in bed.
When asked for a blue book I would go to the shelves and start pulling out blue books and asking, “Is this it?”, over and over until the customer finally realizes how stupid they are. Sometimes I have to refine my search to only thin, blue books or light blue books before they figure it out.
WIN.
Hahaha that makes it actually worth it! x)
I work at a Barnes & Nobel, mostly at Info.
In a single day I got asked if we had any seats more than where specific books where…
If your not familiar with it, most BN’s have a little reading corner with lounge chairs and a table. Or have at least some randomly placed in the store. The one I work at is too small to have a reading corner, and thus people will obsessively walk the store in search of a chair they now know does not exist in the first place.Ignoring the cafe with about 13 tables..
Of course, the next most frequent questions: “Where are/ do you have a restroom?” and “Where’s the non-fiction section?” Thats 3/4 of the store—be specific!!!!!
“Where’s the non-fiction section” was always my favorite question when I worked in a bookstore. It was especially great because ours was on the 2nd and 5th floors.
wait 10 floors in a bookstore?
Where do u get 10 floors out of that????
MATH FAIL.
2nd floor x 5th floor = 10 …. random math WIN
I got that quite a bit the other day, the only reason it’s so hysterical is because the restrooms are to the right of the Info Desk. To walk from the door, to the Info Desk you’d have to stare within inches of the giant ‘RESTROOMS’ sign.
@Ghost the one I work at is VERY small, just one floor. So everything’s fairly cramped together (we’re in a small shopping center).
yep I loved that question. It was like “see over there, where it says ‘fiction?’ bascally anywhere that’s not that.”
The most asked question at the bookstore info desk where I worked was always “Do you work here?”
To which I replied “Not really, but I show up.”
That’s epic win!
My answer “No, I just felt like these 20 copies of war and peace needed to be walked around the store.”
My favorite question is: :Where’s your nonfiction at?”
I love the people who walk into the library and ask “I’m looking for a really good book, do you have any?” and after about 5 minutes of back and forth walk out with part 23 in some assembly line series by a no-name author.
I want to go to a (insert brand name) bookstore and ask them:
“Excuse me, can you tell where your books on learning to read are?”
ABC books are in the infant/toddler area, then over here we have the beginning to read area divided into four steps, once you’ve mastered all four steps there are the ready for chapter books here and then you can move onto the full chapter books in intermediate reader. We also have read-a-long picture books with CD’s so you can listen to the book while you read it. Very good for beginning readers. I’ve also helped a customer who knew how to read but needed to learn to write.
WIN
I get that a lot. My coworker tells people that he killed someone that worked there and he took the shirt
I always want to tell them I don’t work here, I’m just wearing the big Borders name tag because I’m such a huge fan.
LOL! I thought I was the only person who did that! As a hostess, in a restaurant, in my garishly red, restaurant logo covered uniform shirt, while I stood at the stand taking names!
The Kite Runner.
Next question?
Really? About 30% asks for exactly that description? That’s a coincidence…
But well, it’s true. People just think that someone working at a store know every product by heart.
Apparently the people in Ottakars would always specialise in a particular part of the store, so they were pretty darn knowledgeable about what was available in it. Then Waterstones bought them out and they were no longer allowed to specialise.
I don’t think they realize that being paid in the range of minimum wage rarely motivates that kind of dedication…
i work in a newsagency and i know EXACTLY what you mean, we have an ENORMOUS magazine section and this one woman came in and asked for some really random bird-watching magazine. and I said i didn’t know if we stocked it but i directed her to the section where it would be if we did. and then she got REALLY angry with me and started yelling at me that i should know what magazines we stocked, so i told her that i only work afternoons and so i’m never here when the deliveries arrive and she keeps yelling and says that; that shouldn’t matter! I work at the store and should know what magazines we get!
stupid people…
I work at a library, not a bookstore. It’s the same thing over here.
What’s awesome is when you can take “It’s a green book with pants,” and turn that into “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, YA Section, first shelf,” and give them what they want.
It works for some books, but not the more obscure ones. My favorite ones are “The one with a man/woman doing this”, then they make some kind of generic pose.
Still, my latest favourite was “The one with the idiot from TV in the nazi costume”. (Glen Beck)
I was personally really proud of myself the day I got “I read this book when I was a kid, I don’t really remember much about it, but it was really good, it was a mystery and there was something about a windfall or something” The book was “The Westing Game”
ooh!! That was a good book!
Thank you! I’ve been trying to remember the name of that book for months!
Never had anyone pose for me…
Most of our patrons don’t have an original thought in their heads, so I don’t have to worry much about obscure books. =)
Yes! I love when you can figure out what book they’re talking about! My favorite personal experience is when someone asked for “a sci-fi book translated from Russian,” and I knew what it was–”Nightwatch”.
could have been Solaris by Stanislaw Lem. :->
That would have been Polish.
All you wonderful people at librarys and bookstores THANK YOU!!!!
I ushualy try to at least know the title of what I’m looking for… but if not I definatly know the characters names and can think up a plot synopsis.
It still amazes me that out of the thousands of books they can alwayes take me right to the correct shelf. ^^
<3
it´s quite simple really ;D
i like that you got “synopsis” right, but missed “definatly” and “ushualy” and “alwayes”
i don’t mean to be a jerk, i was just amused at the irony.
LMAO!!!! I thought that exact thing!!!! that’s tooo freak’n funny!!!
I felt the same way working at Blockbuster when someone would call with a very vague description of a movie and I was able to work out what they were talking about.
Yeah… except that the green pie slice should be about twice as large and the customer’s description should be half as large. More like “a green book that was a bestseller.”
My favorite is still, “I don’t know if this exists…” which is then followed up for a request for said book.
Any time I get “I don’t know if it exists,” they know what it is they want, and it’s sheet music for the sound track to some movie made in the 50’s. That’s always fun.
But of course you have twenty copies on the shelf, so its no problem.
Clive Cussler – The Wrecker. Clearly. Its my job to do this, too. He’s an award winning asian woman, right?
Its distrubing how good at guessing books you can get with practice.
Oh god, this brings back flashbacks from working in a bookshop. The worst were the search requests over the phone.
‘The author was maybe Michael something? They wrote this other book, it had this girl in it, and she died?’
It’s a giant facepalm, like.
I feel your pain. Two and a half years at the bookstore, and I never so much minded when someone was asking for a book based on very vague information… it was really just when they got ANGRY with me for not psychically pulling the answer out of the ether for them. Nowadays, people who work in bookstores are always amazed when I have the ISBN code ready for them anytime I want them to find or order me something.
“uuummm….. where is the non-fiction section???”
wtf. seriously? well, that’s exactly the kind of thing books can cure.
By the end of the day, when I’m really punchy, and a customer tells me they’re looking for a book, I’ll put on my most serious face, shake my head, and say: “I’m sorry, we don’t have any of those.”
I’ll usually say “you’ve come to the right place.” accompanied with a big smile. Or I’ll grab the nearest book, “Voila, a book!”
> I’ll grab the nearest book, “Voila, a book!”
fast and corteous service. Couldn’t ask for more
lol
getting asked where the erotica is. they act all embarassed about asking but they’re still brazen enough to ask. even though the store i worked at didn’t carry it.
what, your store didnt carry laurel k hamilton or anne rice?
Or the whole Romance genre in general?
You could have given them “The one with the idiot from TV in the nazi costume”. (Glen Beck)
No, we were talking about sex books. You should be taken out and shot for putting Glen Beck in the same category. *shudders*
Know that WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to well. I worked in one of the biggest malls in one of the biggest book stores on the east coast (and im pretty sure its the biggest) last year. It sucked. Majorly.
I work at a Barnes and Noble. This graph is BRILLIANT!
Same here, this is WAY too true! I love the people who get mad at you when you can’t find a book, even though they gave you zero information to go on. So many times I want to say “You know what…go home, look it up, come back with the TITLE and AUTHOR, and then we can talk!”
I had a customer once come up and ask me “Where’s this at?” ‘this’ was a rectangle he was making with his fingers.
Room with a View?
I had someone ask me for nonfiction books on mermaids for her daughter.
Well…technically mythology goes in the non-fiction section and that’s where mermaid books would most likely be found.
I had taken her to the mythology section.
Maybe..um if you’re lucky there might be something in the metaphysical area? I mean, with all the books on angels there’s got to be something on mermaids.
THIS
OMG YES. I worked in particular at a college bookstore, and in addition to getting the weirdest phone calls ever (e.g., “Do you carry costumes?”), I also got customers who had no idea even what classes they were taking so I could direct them to said book.
I transferred to a medical center bookstore, and although many of the customers are perfectly fine, there are some medical and dental students that make me worry…
Hahaha makes me think of the hospital in the movie “Idiocracy”. xD
I worked at Borders. This brought back some bad, bad memories.
“Sorry. No section
for books with ‘a red cover’
Better luck next time.”
- Border’s Haiku, written in the break room.
Maybe you should buy
Ordering Books for Dummies
I sell it often.
Nah! Your haiku is far better.
My favorite is when customers come in the door, walk past the WALL OF MAGAZINES to the desk, and ask, completely seriously, “Do you carry magazines?” I tell them to turn around.
I used to be a mystery shopper, and they REQUIRED us to ask moronic questions like that, so maybe that’s what was going on there!
You were a mystery shopper? Man oh man, your brethren are the bane of my existence right now.
Pardon my small-town-in-the-middle-of-nowhere naivete (the spell checker says I spelled that right…) but what’s a mystery shopper?
A thing of true evil.
Or someone who comes to a store with a list what basically amounts to a list of standards. They masquerade as a customer and everything you don’t do you lose points on. It’s usually a score out of a hundred and you’re expected to be able to get 100 every time.
My store got 95 once! And then the GM yelled at us because we didn’t get 100. And then he got shopped and the score was 58. And then we lol’d and lol’d and lol’d.
At least at Borders, this is how it works: the higher-ups hire people to come in to a store and do a list of tasks; check our bathrooms for cleanliness, check our alphabetization, and the worst of all: interact with a bookseller. The bookseller has to hit a bunch of points like walk the customer to the section, recommend another book, recommend a gift card, tell the customer your name, etc. The store gets scored based on what the mystery shopper experiences.
Basically, it’s like a test for the corporate offices to see how we’re doing. But it’s really tedious and in a high-volume store like mine you can’t spend ten minutes with each customer when you’ve got five others asking for help. Aggh!
Even the way we answer the phones get shopped. And it’s now a five minute message when we answer. I’m so tempted to answer the phone “Thank you for calling Borders store location, where you can pre-order current pre-order title, this is name speaking, how may I help you?” I mean, that’s the way the notice in the back room says we’re supposed to answer the phone right?
…It does? Oh god, I hope these things differ by region or something, because my GM has never mentioned that. I just say “Hi, thanks for calling Borders store location, this is name speaking, how may I help you?” and I’ve never heard anyone in my store say anything else. When I go in tomorrow I am going to read all the mystery shop info pinned up veeeeery carefully.
Oh, if you don’t know about it must not be happening in your region. In our region they keep giving us the longest crap to say. It used to just be the simple one but then they started adding to it and making it longer and more painful. For a while they were on us to say “How can I provide GREAT service”(that’s exactly how it was printed out) instead of the simple “How can I help you?” The longer it gets the faster and less cheerful I get when I say it. I just want to squeeze it all out before the customer decides I’m a recording and hangs up on me.
Ugh, the phone stuff is just ridiculous. Where I am we already have a recording customers have to listen to before they can get to a bookseller, so I’d feel really bad if what I had to say to them before they asked their question was long-winded.
Speaking of GREAT, have you seen any of the training videos with Ron Marshall in them? Oh god, endless amusement.
Oh, that may be why you do it differently. Stores with recordings have different rules to follow.
As for the GREAT videos, those things have the worst bloody actors ever! And no customer ever acts like that! Every time the training supervisor says there’s a new video I want to cry! I don’t know what’s worse, those or the slideshow’s for the make/key titles.
Okay, awesome. One less thing to worry about!
I know, that’s why they’re hilarious! I get so excited when we have a new video because 1) That means I can goof off in the back offices instead of being attacked by customers on the floor, and 2) I get to laugh at the actors and Ron Marshall. I hate the slideshows, though. Ugh. …Huh, that reminds me, none of my supervisors/managers have mentioned our make/key items lately, except for Beckett and the book drive. Strange.
My GM likes to make terrible announcements about the make/key items on PA so that customers know about the books but he tries to make them sound really dramatic and I’m pretty sure it makes customers even less interested in the books. I always ‘forget’ to recommend the books anyways. Casually mention a make item, then slip the key item there in a natural manner, then recommend a book that fits with what their looking for. Why don’t I just pelt them with books instead? They might prefer that.
Oh god, that’s horrible. At my store we have to make announcements about the free gift wrapping now, and I hate it. Public speaking and I do not get along well. I’ve said, “Um,” while making the closing announcement more times than I can count. Ugh. And I usually only recommend something related to what someone’s buying. I feel bad when I have an awesome, nice customer and I have to throw all these sales pitches at them. Suggesting one thing? That I understand. Three? No way.
Yeah, if they’re looking for Jane Austen or humor books, sure, I’ll recommend ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’. If they’re looking for a kids board book on birds, sorry, that’s just not gonna happen. Though I did find them a lovely stuffed animal. It chirps when you squeeze it.
UGH, I remember that stuff! I don’t get who dreams that ridiculous crap up. Do they really think that customers like that? Who wants to listen to a spiel when they have a question to ask, or maybe just want to know the store hours? I think upper management are robots. No human would think this is good marketing practice.
I’ve actually considered doing exactly what I’m required to do with each customer. Especially regarding the three required book recommendations. Two books decided by corporate and one book that ties in with what they’re looking for. I want to do it just to see how many customer complaints I can rack up and then turn around and say “I was only following the guide lines you wrote up. I didn’t want to miss any points if I got a mystery shopper!”
It’s really stupid. I would hate being treated like that as a normal customer. But I did get free books.
Oh, and for calling on the phone, for stores with a recording that had all the basic information on it, we would have to speak with an employee and ask about something that was already on the recording. Really made me feel like an idiot to have to do that.
I get that with the bathroom keys. On the bathroom door there is a sign saying to go get the key from the information desk. On the information desk counter there is a BRIGHT ORANGE box with the keys in it. Two keys. They are on bars about 8″ long, one says MEN, one says WOMEN. The box says BATHROOM KEYS on it. Next to the box is a sign saying BATHROOM KEYS. On the front of the information desk is a sign with an arrow saying BATHROOM KEYS.
They still can’t find the damn keys. Sometimes, they find the keys, then ask me where the bathroom is. The only way they knew they needed a key was by the sign on the bathroom door…
Actually, they knew they needed a key to the bathroom because
“On the information desk counter there is a BRIGHT ORANGE box with the keys in it. Two keys. They are on bars about 8″ long, one says MEN, one says WOMEN. The box says BATHROOM KEYS on it. Next to the box is a sign saying BATHROOM KEYS. On the front of the information desk is a sign with an arrow saying BATHROOM KEYS.”
My new favorite customer called the bookstore I work at last monday
“Do you have Curque du Freak”
“We should have it, let me check the section to make sure we aren’t sold out, which book in the series were you looking for?”
“Can you read it to me?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Can you read the book to me over the phone?”
“I’m sorry, that’s a 200+ page book, I can’t read that to you over the phone.”
“Well, can you read me something else?”
“I’m sorry, I’m not sure I understand what you want.”
“I want you to read me Cirque du Freak!”
After trying to explain I can’t do that, he starts asking odd questions like “If I gave you my mobile could you call me and read it?” and “What if I cam in, could you give me a free copy so I could have someone else read it to me?” I tried selling him a book on CD, but that wasn’t acceptable and $7.99 was “really expensive! Is that a hardcover?!”
He was getting really mad at me when I wouldn’t “cooperate with him”. I really don’t understand what possessed him to think calling up a book store is a way to get a book read to you.
Well, bookstores have books. People work at bookstores. Presumably, the people working at bookstores enjoy reading. And you’re telling me you wouldn’t leap to the obvious conclusion that all employees are there to read books to customers over the phone?
Well, I must say I’d prefer something I haven’t already read. There was also no way I could have finished before we closed.
Hahaha, sound like a prank caller. x)
We used to have this frequent customer who would come in and order jazz cd’s all the time and after about two years he started to ask the female employees this question:
“So… if I brought a steak in, do you could cook it for me?”
“Uh…”
“I mean, the cafe could probably do it right?”
“No. We can’t cook your steak in the cafe.”
“What about a hamburger, could you cook me a hamburger?”
“No sir, we can’t”
“I’m sure you could grill it. Just because you’re a girl, you shouldn’t be afraid of grilling.”
And so on…
Those customers are great,
I had one come up to me and try and read my name tag
“theresa” which he pronounces “th-eress”
then proceeded to ask me if i was a wizard because I looked like one and then spoke about dark characters in books and the god father….
It gets better, when I was tellign the story to a coworker she kindly pointed out we called me a wizard not even the female version “witch”
I am a former Barnes & Noble employee, and I endorse this graph.
So, can I ask all the bookstore people: can you tell me where the books are?
Sorry, couldn’t resist. Although, as someone who has seriously considered asking Borders to start selling camping gear so I could hide there overnight I am really grateful to you guys, even if I tend to find something interesting in most sections, so rarely have to ask where stuff is.
Mind you, whoever thought of changing the layout of Borders Glasgow owes me about two days of my life back…
As a Borders employee, I apologize profusely for the change of layout and assure you that when a store’s layout changes, the employees are just as confused as you are. (Especially when no one mentions the change in any of the morning/evening meetings, so when you go to get a book for a customer you find yourself in Football instead of SciFi.)
You guys still get morning/evening meetings? Our hours have been cut so badly we don’t have time for those. BTW do you know what happened to the anthropology section? I haven’t been able to find it in months!
We do! It’s a quick ten minute thing before the store opens or after it closes. They’ve been getting quicker and quicker, though. Hmm, anthropology…I believe we have a combined anthropology/archaeology section. It’s tiny and hidden away in a corner along with sociology, philosophy & law, and gender studies. Do all Borders have similar layouts? I haven’t been in another one since I started working here.
We no longer have time for morning meetings, they’ve cut our hours so badly. I know it’s suposed to be in the social sciences corner somewhere but I just can’t find it. Maybe the shelf talker ran away. The layouts vary from store to store, but similiar sections are usualy grouped togehter that same per store. i.e. the gen meta and it’s friends like other div, speculation, magical studies are all together and usually next to the regular religion area. Also true crime is invariably in with the genre fictions(I think it should go next to law but no one listens to me )
Eh, I guess it’s because people who like to read mystery/thriller also like to read true crime.
What I love about my store’s layout is that social sciences is right after fiction. I will never get tired of telling people, “Philosophy? It’s at the end of fiction.” And their reactions. Priceless.
Our morning meetings used to consist mainly of ten minutes about comic books, so their loss isn’t to harsh.
And sorry to you for the administration thing. I tell you, if I was rich, I would buy out Borders just for the discounts. Mind you, if you buy a book from a bookstore you own, are you just giving yourself (and your employees) money?
Point them to some books about the Middle Ages. Most of the knights had one or more pages.
Win.
This not JUST a bookstore/Library issue.
I work at a very larg school with over 2 dozen “public” computer labs. my desk is in a location central to 8 labs.
A student will regularly walk up tio the service counter and say there in no paper in the printer. I politely ask which printer; answer: “in the lab”
My response is first a blank stare, then a request for them to actually. tell me which lab. This is met with a blank stare and them going to read the room number off the door or being told “it’s the lab over there”
Serving the public is fun, isn’t it?
It’s fun, but I love it.
I worked in a different bookstore but faced pretty much the same problem. If I were you I’d try saying something along the lines of “Gee,how’d you ever guess?”. If you don’t let it sound too sarcastic,you might keep your job. Although I wonder if some customers can actually detect sarcasm…
I think I could pull that off in a friendly ha-ha manner and not piss someone off, hm… Thank you for the idea!
Wow, that blue-ish book seems rather popular since about 30 % of the customers ask about it. Maybe you could keep it close to the counter so they’ll all find it? I don’t recognize it myself, is it something Oprah has talked a lot about?
Nope: Reading Rainbow.
I got chewed out by a customer one day for not knowing the new Oprah title, on the grounds that I clearly must not have a life/live under a rock if I hadn’t watched Oprah that day, so as to know the book in question. My reply? “Oprah was on at 3 o’clock. I was here. At work.” And yet, she HAD watched Oprah, and she still failed to know what book she was looking for.
Carrie Johnson? Is that you?
Nope, sorry. You’ve got the wrong store, I don’t know a Carrie.
Kerry? Keri? Carri? I should really know how to spell this, it’s only been posted in the break room on the LP standards sheet for the last 6 years.
However! Is this Carrie in LA or NYC? (Because as far as I know, those are the only places that Borders has LP. So I may know someone who knows her.)
She’s the head of LP for the company or the district or region or something? She almost never comes to our store. I used to have a manager who would invoke her name as though she were god.
Ohhhh. Probably regional manager or district manager for a region/district that isn’t mine. The guy we worry about in my neck of the woods is Andy. And he shows up a lot. Sigh.
That’s pretty much the case at my library, too.
my boyfriend works at border’s and every night i get regaled with stories about how customers will come in asking for random books. the other day i was there and a crazy dumb woman came up and asked if he could find the song “i miss you like the desert misses the rain” and so he pulled up google and proceeded to tell her that google is only available on the border’s computers and this was the only way to find a song. she took it, hook line and sinker. and when it took more than two seconds to find the song she asked if he could try any harder. Seriously?! i almost punched her.
Oh, I thought of another one! (I’ve been a bookseller for 14 years, I have hundreds of stories.)
How about when someone asks for a book that isn’t in stock, so you look it up at B&T or wherever, only to find that it’s out of print. “Hmmm looks like it’s out of print,” you say. “WTF?!?! Why would they do that? It’s a great book!” Then they stomp out, muttering, before you can mention that you can look for a used copy for them. Nowadays I just assume I’m going to get a b!tchy email from the manager the next day asking why I refused to help the customers.
No, first they say, “what does that mean?” and you’re all like, “well it’s pretty old, it looks like they’re not making it anymore” and they say, “it’s not old, maybe you got the wrong book. I know I’ve seen it in the last 10 years!”
“It’s not out of print, I saw it at the library/friend’s house/on television/in a fever dream!”
The apostrophes (as well as grammar and spelling altogether) seem to have absconded from this graph, and from the comments.
I just thought of another one. Could you make some photocopies for me? no? well do you have a photocopier I could use? no? what’s your return policy?
The guy buys the books and 20 minutes later comes back to return them. He is the reason we changed our return policy on the receipts to say that we reserve the right to refuse returns.
I got the ultimate question earlier this week. A woman explained that her son loves Manga, but he isn’t wacky about the format. So she wanted to know if we sold Manga books without the drawings. I kindly directed her to the fiction section.
Er, actually, there are now books based off of manga that don’t have pictures. At borders they’re still shelved under manga but there are no pictures and have the same types of stories as the manga.
I think this would be funnier if the green one was bigger than the rest.
I’m at Barnes and Noble too, And this graph is dead on and funny…
There should be a black section though for the “Where is your twilight section”.
I’ve been getting a new one this year, and it goes something like this
Customer [middle aged male]: Hi. I’m looking for that book… you know, with the sparkly vampire?
Me: Twilight.
Him: No, the first one.
Me: Twilight.
Him: YEah! The one with the black cover.
Me (HAnds him book) would you like a gift reciept?
Him: No, It’s for me.
Wow.
I work at Coles in Canada, and I had a lady come in ask for a book that was on Oprah that had two words in the title, and one of them was short.
Seriously?
Also, I need a dollar for every time someone looked at me and asked “Do you have Twilight boxed sets?” while directly staring at the GIANT display of them.
For future reference, The Secret?
Or “The Road” “Anna Karenina” “Icy Sparks” “Cane River” “The Corrections” “Gap Creek” to name a few…
Hrm… This must’ve been made by a Borders fellow. “Do you have computers I can use to look up a book?” equaled if not surpassed my “blue book”/”Oprah” requests working at Info at BN <_<.
my favorite is when they walk up to our comp screens with a keyboard and mouse and touch the screen..nothing happens so they touch it again…and again…and then realize they have to use the mouse
Well then, after reading all this I don’t feel so bad bugging people at the counter for special requests. (Rarely what I want is actually in the store.) I at least come in the the author and title. Usually I have the ISBN# with me too.
I will say I have picked up some great suggestions from the employees whenever I go to BN just to tool around. Big kudos to some girl that suggested Good Omens to me years ago. And most recently the guy that gave me the Big Book of Cliches.
^_^ mmmm books…
*cough*I’mthepersonaskingforthemanga*cough*
it’s even worse in a textbook store… all the person knows is that they’re in ENGL100, when there’s literally 50 sections of that class, each with a different book list…
Really fun is when the person is looking for the text book in a regular book store and their teacher swore we carried it. We don’t. Wait! Wait! Let me check again. Nope. Still don’t. Nothing with that ISBN, nothing with that title, nothing by that author. We can special order it but it’ll take a week and you waited till the last minute to get it so you can’t wait a week. Not my fault. Stop bitching at me. I don’t care.
We got permission from our manager a few years back to refuse to even look for textbooks. We were allowed to tell them that we were a trade book store, not a textbook store and that we couldn’t order them.
Unfortunately we couldn’t do that because we actually did provide text books for a local architecture college. Though we got the list a few weeks before the semester started from the teachers and special ordered an appropriate quantity in advanced, because of that we couldn’t say we didn’t have text books.
This graph is horribly inaccurate. I WISH they had that much information. Usually it’s:
“I’m looking for this book it has a blue cover and you had it on one of your tables three months ago.”
“Ma’am, we change our tables every week.”
“Why the hell would you do that?!”
“To make your life miserable, of course.”
“I don’t remember what color it was or who the author is, but it was shrink wrapped and on the table near the door last week when I was in.”
I don’t remember anything about it other than your other store had it on a table.
The best one I ever got was, “I think it had something to do with a fish.” That was literally ALL she knew. Luckily she was one of the rare ones who didn’t actually blame me for not knowing what she was talking about.
I worked at Barnes & Noble for 5 years. This graph is right on the money.
Nah, the green section needs to be bigger.
My favorite bookstore movement ever was back when harry Potter was pretty new and not the huge phenomenon yet, but was starting to get more buzz. A man asked for a book recomendation for a 12 year old and I suggested it, and he flipped out and acused me of trying to indoctrinate his God fearing children with witchcraft. I tried to explain what “fiction” means but he couldn’t quite grasp it.
Indoctrinate his kids with the Chronicle of Narnia. It has both Jesus and witchcraft. Their heads will explode.
Customer:
I’m looking for a book. Its yellow.
Me:
……
Customer:
……
Me:
Well, you at least made it to a bookstore.
My favorite is when a woman came up looking for a book, but wasn’t sure which one. I asked “is it a fiction book or a non-fiction book?” She replied “…..no”.
Obviously she was looking for a blank book, like a sketchbook, or a journal.
ahhh she was looking for a blank book, to match her HEAD…
once a man (he was around 40) walked into the bookstore I work at, and he asked:
“do you have that kids book, about making breakfast?”
Me: “??? you dont mean green egs and ham do you?”
“I dont know, does it have pictures about breakfast in it”
me and my friends used to play this game only with movies…give the person the most non-details and see if they can figure out what movie it is..i was pretty good at it
called it the videostore employee games
so you’re the one who always ruins my day
I work at Borders, and I love the question, “WHERE ARE YOUR PAPERBACKS?” I usually spin in a 360 and say, “all over.” The customer usually doesn’t like that.
Also, a woman came up to me and said she needed a book for her daughter. It was called The Source, so I typed it in and a couple books came up. She said she didn’t know the author or what it was about. I asked if the spelling is correct, and she said yes. I told her sorry. 8 minutes later she came up to me, rudely shoved the book near my face and said, “I found it myself.” I looked at the book, thought, are you serious and said, “oh, you were looking for a Thesaurus.”
ROFL
Where’s your non-fiction section???
There’s this book I want, it has a red cover, you know it?
I was in Istanbul, and I saw this book, I’m sure it must be translated,
you got it?
Well, I can’t believe you’d be out of this book. How’s that happen?
(they sold maybe?)
Can I pay for my Starbuck’s here?
What’s the phone number for Home Depot? (how would we know?)
What’s a good book for my 1 yr. old?
You should read this, it’s the best! (yeah, right)
I can buy this online for 2 dollars less! (go ahead)
Oh, and I love the old guys who stand in Erotica and rock back and forth
for hours. When two or more congregate, it’s even more disturbing.
I had one person ask if I was a “fan” of the store, as I had their clothing on. Sure, I’d buy this crappy stuff and wear it, why not?
My favorite erotica customers are the prudes, they see you coming and hurriedly put the book down and walk off trying to pretend they weren’t looking at that stuff.
I love the guys who hide the erotica books in the middle of completely innocent bargain books when they’re checking out. Like I’m really not going to notice.
I like to make friendly small talk about their purchase. I’m a terribly person like that. I suppose in theory it makes them feel less judged by their choice too.
wait until I get there, you will be so proud the a teenager is asking for Asimov
Another favorite –
Q: “Where is your NON-FICTION section?”
A: “See those aisles over there marked ‘Fiction”? It’s everywhere but there.”
i work at an indie bookstore and we routinely find titles for customers based on very little information…it’s easy to mock some questions, but it really IS my job to be well-versed with most of what’s in the store. and i am.
that would be a bit easier in a small indie. it’s not that we aren’t well versed often, it’s just basic courtesy and some intellect that should precede any questions. personally, i don’t mind a challenge and i also find their material.
I’m a cashier at a store in Canada, and even though I don’t work on the floor, or probably even interract with as many customers as the employees on the salesfloor I still get quite a few gem questions….
At the cash desk…
“Can I pay for this here?”
“Is this where I make a return?”
Asking if they can pay for a Starbucks mug in Chapters because “The line was too long at Starbucks.”
Customer: “What does display copy only [on the front of a cd] mean?” Me: “That only the case is on display…there is no cd inside the case.” Customer: “So does that mean you don’t have any left?”
On the phone…
“Do you know what the number for Starbucks is?” Sometimes followed by…”Well, can you call them for me?” or “Well can you transfer my call?”
Customer: “Do you know if my order is in?”
Me: “I can check…did you get a call from us that it was in?”
Customer: “No, that’s why i’m calling.”
As a bookstore employee I always love “Can I get it somewhere else?”
I meant to say “Can I get it cheaper somewhere else?”
ME (to info desk lady wearing reindeer horns, while my wife is looking around for a book): “Do you think it’s going to rain, dear?”
HER: “It’s too cold. I think it’s going to snow, man.”
ME: “Great! Do you have any books by Murakami?”
…She walks me over to the Murakami books…where my wife is standing having found them herself…
ME (to info desk lady): “Do you think it’s going to rain, dear?”
HER: “It’s too cold. I think it’s going to snow, man!”
MY WIFE (WTF look on her face, but still laughing): “How do you go around recruiting people to help with your stupid pun jokes?”
There needs to be at least a small sliver for customers who stand around looking expectantly at you even after you’ve told them you do not have and cannot order the book they want.
One of my favorites: A lady came in and asked for a series of “children’s books” called “Twinkles”. I know the kids’ section well, but didn’t recognize that series, so I asked if she knew anything else about the books. She said she thought they were about vampires.
Yes. She was looking for Twilight. *facepalm*
A customer came in looking for the newest harry potter the one not in the series…. So I assumed oh tales of the beedle and the bard. After showing it to her she pointed to the rest of the series asking what they were. I explained they were the 7 books in the series and showed ther the newest one the half blood prince. She then asked me if that was number 6 and asked if it was part of the series. Repeating myself I said it’s number 7 the last of the series. She continued to question me for 15 minutes with questions like “so this is part of the series?” and “are these different stories?” also “why is the 4th one so much larger than the 1st does it include more stories?” After 15 minutes we entered the awkward silence that we all assume is the customer beign satisfied enough for you to walk away. As I did so I heard her ask her daughter, “Did you understand that? I still don’t get it.”
The weird thing is, I’d actually be able to recognize that last description if I worked at a bookstore. I’m terrible with names and titles, but I remember colours REALLY well.
I work at a Borders and reading these comments is really hitting home. One of my favorite tricks is when I am helping a customer look for something completely obscure, like an encyclopedia of dog breeds or something, and they ask for a recommendation. Like I have really perused all the dog breed encyclopedias and picked a favorite. In that instance I always grab the first one I see and recommend it. Flip it over, read the author’s name, “So-and-so is really the expert, you should get this one.”
Now I see why I have so many books…
LOL that’s awesome
I like the ones who come up and ask for a book by simply saying the title and NOTHING else. It always ends up being a title that contains a question such as: “Who Moved My Cheese?” or “How Full is Your Bucket?”. At first I’m like, wtf? o.O
the worst customers are the ones who stand in line for ten minutes during x-mas rush, get to the register, then proceed to ask me ‘i was wondering if you could look up a book by so-and-so…’. of course i have to say ‘i’m sorry this is just a plain vanilla cash register you’ll have to go to info’. then they have to argue with me about being able to look up books using the register. i nearly had to call a manager over once because a guy was getting his boxers in a wad over it.
then again everything is worse in x-mas rush…
What really pisses me off about the vague questions is the lack of gratitude when they give you almost no details and that cog clicks in your head and you pluck the right title out of thin air and they’re just like, “yeah, that one.”
Even worse than that is when they’ve given you the WRONG information on title, author, cover etc. but their rough description of the plot gives you the answer, so you give them the correct title and author and they go, “that’s what I said.”
A couple of years ago, an MP was arrested here in Britain and had his office searched. His name was Damien Green. A customer came in around that time (brash, loud woman) and barked “I want that Damien Green book by Orson Welles.” On my life, this was the conversation that followed between her and my colleague:
Colleague: Orson Welles?
Woman: Yes. Damien Green, something.
C: Riiiight… [clutching at straws] is it about the politician?
W: No. Yes, no. I don’t think so. No, it’s about a man.
C: Damien Green?
W: Yes.
C: This must be a recent book, then?
W: No, NO! It’s very old. Very famous. My goodness, I can’t believe this. DAMIEN GREEN by ORSON WELLES. Something to do with a MIRROR.
C: [little cog miraculously clicks] Is there any chance you mean The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde?
W: So you DID know it.
C: You’re welcome. The classics are over here.
hehe like, 90% of the time i go to the library i want manga
“I need a book for school. It’s called ‘Atlas Drugged.’”
“I believe you’re looking for ‘Atlas Shrugged’ by Ayn Rand.”
“No, the author had a weird first name.”
“Yeah, it’s spelled A-Y-N. It’s ‘Atlas Shrugged.’ Let me show you where it is.”
“No, it’s called ‘Atlas Drugged.’ I’m sure of it.”
“Well, I’ll check (’cause you never know). Okay, there’s nothing by that title on my computer. Would you like to at least come over and look at the book? Maybe seeing the cover will jog your memory about the title.”
“No, thanks.”
“Okay, well when you find out that you’re really supposed to read ‘Atlas Shrugged,’ we’ll have copies here.”
Seriously.
I worked at Border back before the manga craze. So eliminate that whole slice of the pie. Also, the “I’m looking for a book my friend was reading, it was blue and I think it had a girl in it” category often IS the Oprah category. Nine times out of ten, this request can be filled by taking the customer on a walk past the bestsellers, Oprah books, and new releases and pointing out the blue ones. Particularly brilliant because they had to walk THROUGH those areas to reach the help desk! And we got that all the time.
We also got an awful lot of “I’m looking for a book. (dead stop)”, and I too came up with mock-helpful, snarky responses, because what they heck else can you say to that? “I think you’ve found one!” “You’ve come to the right place!” “Just one? We have lots!” “Any _particular_ book?”