Make your own using our Graph Builder or upload your own files, images or videos. All our charts are user-submitted.
« Previous The Sixties | Time spent playing Rock Band with my Sister Next »
» 118 TPS Reports
-
Latest Comments
el_monty on Not To Start A Flamewar, But I… scared on I Can Hear It Breathing In The… scared on I Can Hear It Breathing In The… Phaust on Science Fact: 3-D Movie Glasse… scared on I Can Hear It Breathing In The… Terranstar on Learning is FUN-damental k1k1chan on I Use The Force scared on I Can Hear It Breathing In The… cowlifornia on Not To Start A Flamewar, But I… scared on I Can Hear It Breathing In The… bieberfan on Fame Paradox catbunny on Science Fact: 3-D Movie Glasse… Coru on I Use The Force Jag on Fun With Statistics: Stuff Whi… The Other Game. on Unless You’re Playing… 
Cheezburger Network Blog-
first!!!
GTFO.
your life has no meaning. Please end it promptly and save the resources for someone who matters more than you. Like Hugh Jackman.
Funny, and a good idea… but things like “text message”, “call friends”, and “check hair” actually belong on the ‘both’ line as well. Especially if the guy in question is at work, and so he can’t use his phone anywhere else.
But he’s in a restaurant.
People work at restaurants.
People who work in restaurants generally don’t go to the restroom to make phone calls. They go out back or something. At least, that was my experience. And I’m pretty sure the graph was intended to mean customers, not people working in restaurants. But who am I to say what the creator intended? We live in a postmodern world after all.
Perhaps Mister Sir intended to say something to the effect that some people actually never stop working, and bring their work/laptop/BlackBerry/what have you to the restaurant, for a working lunch — or just because they can’t be disconnected for whatever reason.
You guys are WAY over analyzing this, I meant customers.
And -I- was referring to the teenage “in” crowd, who can’t bear to be separated from their phones and who are always checking their appearances in the event that someone might come up to them and ask for a lay.
Excuse me, sir, in your hair in good order? i was wondering if –hold on, gotta take this call.
Yeah?
No. No way.
Okay.
Yes.
Maybe later.
No.
Uh Huh.
The one with the piercing, or the one becky gave head to?
You don’t say! Twice?
Kay, talk to you, later, give nanners a hug.
Bye.
–Sorry.
I was going to ask youif you had time for a lay?
Not necessarily true. At every restaurant where I’ve ever worked, the back door has an alarm for the purpose of keeping employees from sneaking out to have a cigarette/smoke pot/sell drugs/engage in indecent activity instead of doing their jobs. Most of us would go to the bathroom for something as tame as phone use.
I’m sorry, but using the phone in the bathroom is just wrong….nobody wants to hear you pee or poop…got it?
Oy! Most of the time we just lean on the counter looking at ourself in the mirror while taking on the phone
Actually using the restroom for its intended purpous is last on my list.
This just in… Phones can now be used for more than phone calls (such as surfing the net, texting, playing games, email, etc.).
THIS JUST IN: the graph says “call friends”
Yeah, but you don’t have any.
Your forgot vibrators, they can be used as vibrators. o_O
That’s an urban leyend…
If you have enough money to buy a cellphone, you can buy a dildo too
Don’t be gross… and grow up!
you know what’s also a urban legend
women can’t spell
Yeah it always weirds me out when someone in the next stall ANSWERS their cell phone. It’s like, can’t it wait 30 seconds? LoL
another one: killing the waiter.
Who has never done it?
Does the maitre d’ count?
It does.
Killing the chef counts, no? but then again, that’s normally done in the kitchen. But there are things laying around he can use to defend himself. It’d be easier to drown him in the toilet. ((How do you screw up a ceasar salad? Seriously!))
(from the waiter)
Or killing the customers. Especially the obnoxious loud ones who won’t take a cutoff even though they’ve had $200 worth in an hour, or the fat angry ones who will call the corporate office to complain because we are out of sugar-coated deep-fried lard balls.
We men don’t wash our hands, who wrote this?
Also, “rearranging dangly parts” was left off the list, for the guys who don’t want to do it in front of their dates.
I used to sit next to the office door at my last gig and you could hear that the guys in my office did NOT wash their hands. I made sure that anyone I knew that shook hands with them knew to wash theirs before eating or scratching their eyes or whatever.
Also, I know a lot of girls who don’t wash their hands. I mean, that’s gross enough that guys don’t do it but girls too??? And don’t give me the ol’ “but I don’t pee on my hands” excuse, that doesn’t mean that butt germs that could cause serious illness don’t live outside the rectum!
Don’t tell me they don’t teach children to wash their hands in the states. Here they have nice little books detailing all the nasty things that’ll happen if you don’t wash and stick your fingers in your mouth (like worms, cold sores, and plain old infections.)
Oh please. Winston Churchhill was a dirty boy.
Young man (after seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands): At Eton they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
Churchill: At Harrow they taught us not to piss on our hands.
I’m sure Brits are even dirtier than Americans.
i wash my hands BEFORE handling my junk. wouldn’t want, you know, germs on the cleanest part of my body
I wash my body with my junk. SCRUBBY SCRUBBY SCRUB
Who the heck applies nail polish in the middle of dinner??? Everything else is pretty reasonable in my mind…
I never apply deodorant in a public restroom either… That is pretty much an at-home activity.
ive done it when im out in town all day or been sweating, like going on tours, shopping or whatever. just to refresh myself. this could also apply if your in school after gym class type thing as well. not just at dinner or something.
Yeah, but after gym class, you usually take a bath.
Your school had baths?
Depending on which country you live in, many elementary, junior high, high school, colleges, and universities have showers in the Gym changing room where students shower together (naked).
we’re talking about a restaurant here, not a school
The only thing I do differently than on the men’s side is brush my hair on occasion. I have never in my life seen someone applying nail polish in a public restroom. I see women on the phone once in a while but this should probably go on the men’s side too. Why does this site love making unreasonable generalizations about women?
Why does this society love making unreasonable generalizations about everything?
Including your unreasonable generalization about what society loves?
Or was that supposed to be satire?
It was a serious statement, but with a touch of irony to it.
Because it’s funny and most of the time true!
You forgot 1) Have anonymous sex and 2) Do Drugs
Those are the only reasons I go to restaurants in the first place.
Yup, though the anonymous sex should be slightly more on the men’s side than women’s. Also, the wash hands should be slightly more on the women’s side than man’s.
So anonymous sex in the washroom is more of a gay thing than a lesbian thing?
Of course! Us chicks generally prefer to know names.
Must be a big responsibility to speak for about half of the population on the planet.
Names are just labels to facilitate communication, I don’t understand the importance people place on them.
clever
I was wondering where “snort a line” wandered off to! Although that generally applies more to bars and clubs, Pulp Fiction taught us that it is totally possible to do lines in bathrooms in full view of everybody. I know I’ve never put on deodorant or nail polish in a restaurant bathroom, and I’m pretty sure “snort a line” would be a larger circle than either of those.
Those are the only reasons half the restaurant employees show up for work.
Some of those are a bit far-fetched. WTH, deoderant? Really? Also, I’ll text, gossip and make phone calls at the dinner table. It would be really awkward to just stand there in the bathroom to do it.
ALSO, if these girls are so high-maintenance, why don’t they have a mirror with them in their purse? then you can check your makeup and hair while sitting there.
Applying nailpolish would be awkward, unless you’re not eating anything. You’d just mess it up right away.
It’s apparent to me that either a crazy woman made this, or a guy who doesn’t know a single thing about women.
Dude, you need to lighten up. And get a life…for real.
And probably a therapist too. You are high-strung, my friend.
One standing up for oneself and their ilk makes one high-strung and without a life? Huh. That’s as absurd as this graph is.
Lighten up.
And people talk on the phone in the bathroom because talking on the phone at the dinner table is usually rude.
The reason things like talking on the phone and checking makeup are bathroom activities is because it’s rude to do it at the table. If I were at a nice dinner with someone, I would excuse myself to go do any personal grooming or make any phone calls. Manners I has them.
Although putting nail polish on at a restaurant is weird, unless you’re fixing your toes.
I don’t usually go out to eat with people who I’m worried about behaving properly in front of. I don’t burp or fart at the table, I use a napkin, and I’m polite, but that’s kind of the extent of it.
If my friends can’t continue the conversation without me for about 1 minute, that’s not my concern, they’d be without me even if I left the table. I don’t mind if they do, either – with one exception! If they’re the kind of person who yells into the phone instead of using an inside voice, that would be extremely annoying.
Formal dinners? Don’t even answer your phone. Put it on silent. People can wait 2 hours for you to leave!
I still think it’s rude to be on the phone at dinner, or to check your make-up, or whatever. Unless you only go out for fast-food, in which case no one uses the bathrooms because they’re generally dirty. I never really go out to eat with people I feel the need to impress, either, but I still try to be polite.
Besides, talking on the phone or doing personal grooming isn’t just rude to the people at your table. It’s rude to everyone else in the restaurant, too.
Did you see that?
That was the joke flying right over your head!
Oops, my bad, I loooooooooooove misogynistic jokes with absurd stereotypes of women!
yeesh, some people take these things seriously…when did a little comedy stereotyping stop being funny?? i would never apply nailpolish in a restaurant bathroom but most of the rest i would..besides its only a laugh!! lighten up!!
i would add to the men’s side:
using toiletpaper to blow your nose in absence of real tissues
You forgot MASTURBATE. Applies to both parties.
Haha, damn you. I came here to make that comment on behalf of men. In jest, of course…
It wasn’t forgotten. It’s included in “relieve oneself.” Nice job.
Wow this seems pretty sexist. When I go to a public restroom (if I do at all- those places can be nasty!) I pretty much do what I need and get out. Besides, if it was socially acceptable for men to wear makeup then they would reapply at some point during the day as well! And what is with the stereotype that all women are gossipy? I’m sorry but this just isn’t even funny to me.
Men can wear makeup nowadays, along with all those stupid lotions to reduce aging and whatever. Gender equality is going the wrong way.
*WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH*
Did you hear that?
It’s the joke going right over your head! And please take that stick out your ass please.
Gossip is one of several other choices. They are listed as reasons – to a reasonable person, they should appear neither exhaustive nor applicable in every single case (just some). Where does it ever imply all women gossip?
I’ll just scooch over to the men side…I’m a girl, and all i do is go to the bathroom, wash my hands, and leave lol
Welcome to the dark side…
Me too. I’m even capable of going to the ladies room alone!
You must not have a uterus then.
Who changes their tampon somewhere other that the toilet cubicle?
They forgot on the woman’s side, squeezing out the window to get away from the horrible date.
Also putting pieces of toilet paper on the seat because there are no seat covers. That can take forever if the toilet paper falls in before you sit down.
I guess I’m low maintenance or something. I try to make my visits to public restrooms as quick as possible. Go in, pee, (maybe change my pad) flush, wash my hands, and leave. Seriously, they’re usually gross. Who in their right mind would want to hang out in there?
This is why I hate going to the bathroom.
I don’t get along with women well…
Would you rather us change our tampons in front of you?
You forgot “accompany friends for no reason other than that they have to go to the bathroom, even if you don’t” on the girl’s side.
My mom always makes me go to the bathroom with her. I don’t know why, I always just stand there and make the other women think there’s a line.
Good graph, very accurate IMO, except the ‘Wash Hands’ bubble should really be further to the right, no?
It should if you’re counting the general population.
As for me… I rarely wash my hands. I also rarely get sick =/
You forgot ‘puke’.
Oooo hahahaha. My how very original! How was grade 3 today anyway?
You forgot cry. I’ve seen a fair few girls crying in the loos…
i have the sneaking suspicion that you are british…am i right?
I don’t this the “wash hands” circle should be so far on the men’s side.
I, for one, always wash my hands. Then I either open the bathroom door with my foot or use toilet paper to grab the door handle (to avoid getting the bacteria/viruses applied to the door handle by you non-handwashers).
(and by ‘foot’ it’s implied that I’m wearing shoes and I’m pushing the door open by its kick-plate)
oh really? i thought you were saying you had very dexterous toes
Glad I’m a guy is all I can say…
Um…girls taking care of ‘feminine’ issues should be the same as ‘relieving oneself’.
I disagree. The chance of a man relieving himself is higher than 50%. Women sometimes go to the bathroom just to apply makeup.
And the wash hands should be larger on the feminine side, men are pigs.
Men don’t wash their hands
You forgot “puke up food” and “cry” as well. I’m so glad I’m not a girl, having to wait in lines everywhere just to pee (and wash hands after) would be annoying.
The gossip circle should be bigger.
you forgot cry!! lol girls + crying in public = rest room
dude, we all have different ways of saying the same thing. In the Navy, we all call it the “head”. Before that, at home it was the bathroom, washroom, can, but rarely have I heard someone say “I’m going to the toilet, I’ll be back.” And don’t use such language, it only makes you look more idiotic
There are actually some girls (ie. me) who don’t take 45 minutes to go to the restroom…
Well, the men’s room stinks too much due to the urinals, so even if they wanted to gather for purposes of chatter or what have you, it wouldn’t be in that stinky place.
Haha. When did stereotyping women and basic sexism become funny, again?
So, you’d be comfortable saying “I’m going to go wash my hands in the toilet after defecating in it?”
The toilet and the room are different things. In this language, at least.
you forgot dropping an exspensive electronic of yours the toilet
*in the toilet
(sorry it was bothering)
I have to admit its true. But changing a tampon is quite personal dont ya think.
Okay, so sometimes we take marginally longer to go to the bathroom than men do, and sometimes we take significantly longer. The latter category can be divided into good reasons (like tampons or a brief makeup touch-up) and bad reasons (like chatting on the phone or redoing one’s entire hairstyle). The second set of activities does happen and it is usually rude. That doesn’t mean the entire female half of the population needs the bad rap for it. I’m just as annoyed with men not washing their hands as with my female friends holding us up. And I’d rather, if they are going to take that oh-so-important call, that they take it away from the table. It’s so rude to be on the phone or doing one’s makeup in a restaurant, no matter how not fancy it is!
hey can i get the soap from the box you’re standing on so i can wash my hands?
This is so true for every girl but for men they dont do neither. *Wink Wink* LOL. XD
Actually, I change my tampon, use the restroom, wash my hands and leave.
So, no, it’s not true for ‘every girl’.
i don’t know whats funnier… the graph or the responses to it. I think its a great graph. A great generalization to things. from the responses, it seems that some people are taking the graphs as being absolute law and want data sources to support the radius of the circles and the accuracy of stuff like the comparison size of the tampon vs. text messaging… jeesh…. =)
You people need to lighten up a bit. After all, I thought that the point of this site was to have a laugh, not a fight… And if you can’t take a joke at your own expense (I’m talking to all you people crying “sexism!”), then you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Have you ever told a blonde or an irish joke? I bet you have, and those are just as stereotypical as this graph.
LMAO.
Are you some sort of IDIOT? I have never told a blond or Irish joke. This graph is sexist and stereotypical.
So please get over it.
In my experience splitting the “wash hands” 50/50 between men and women is being too generous…
learn to spell: “deodorant:
Actually the gossip/makeup circles should be MUCH bigger than the other circles.