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It’s lupus, and it’s not a graph.
Is it lupus?
or it could be auto-immune…
No, it’s an infection.
Lupus IS auto-immune. Pay more attention during the differentials.
It’s NEVER lupus
It was lupus, ONCE!
Is it MS?
no wait its cancer
It’s sarcoidosis!
It’s either sarcoidosis or something pretending to be sarcoidosis. Put him on steroids and do a lung biopsy.
the lung biopsy went negative for sarcoidosis, maybe is a tumor
Could be vasculitis…
its human error!
It’s never lupus
The patient doesn’t always live. Remember the homeless lady with rabies? And the kid with cancer? And the scientist guy with the rats? And the girl that was in the building collapse?
Remember before House when you had a life?
A life? Can that be cured?
Sure, here’s Dr. Kevorkian’s number….
Never mind that, I want Wilson’s number.
Screw you guys, give me Mr. Blagoyevich! He owes me a Senate seat.
I do remember the span of time before House appeared… but I do not recall EVER actually having a life.
They also forgot the part where the patient is diagnosed incorrectly.
House never meets the patient until just before the end when he spots some bizzarre symptom that allows him to diagnose the patient correctly.
And the part where some crazy symptom pops up right before commercial (e.g. the dude’s toes falling off, seziure, puking blood)
the patient almost ALWAYS has a seziure. I find it quite anticlimactic.
And if you put the patient in an MRI machine, something almost ALWAYS goes wrong.
Actually, it is on there. “Diagnosing the patient and realizing they are going to die soon” pretty much implies that it is incorrect. The patient only dies like once a season. There’s also the part where they’re missing, “It’s lupus.” “It’s never lupus.” “Except that one time when it was.”
And the drug-addict girl with a tiny scratch from her bra that got infected? They killed her immune system and it turns out they’d killed her since she could no longer fight the infection. Oops.
Wait….homeless lady with rabies?! What episode is that? I thought I’d seen them all.
Idk its not that good and its obvious its rabies i mean i knew that one from the beginning same with the pregnant cheer leader /swimmer girl.
this is just about exaclty what an episode is.
Oh and it has been Lupus once.
Timelines are not graphs
Meet Homer, chief of the Graph Police.
Yes, timelines are most certainly graphs. If you’re going to be priggish, at least be correct.
You get two points for using the word priggish, AND (to start a sentence with a conjunction) time lines are graphs – you are correct. A large part of my job is creating all kinds of graphs. BTW – my boss calls a pie chart a circle chart!. HAR!
Wow how much coffee do I need – that isn’t starting a sentence. I’m heading over tot he cappuccino machine now……zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“Music and culture in chart form”
Timelines aren’t graphs, but are they charts?
You forgot the argument with Cuddy between ‘meeting’ and ’snooping.’
And a comment on Cuddy’s outfit. Very important, that.
And a comment on Cuddy’s boobs and/or butt. That’s important too.
You forgot the lumbar puncture, CT scan and vomiting blood.
You also forgot “inducing a heart attack.”
Also missing are “picking on Cameron for sympathising”, “getting Wilson to buy him lunch/write more prescriptions for him”, “bullying Cuddy into allowing a risky test”, “lying to their relatives to get a consent form for said risky test signed”, and of course “do all sorts of tests while never mentioning how much all of that will cost the patient”
How could you forget “Something completely irrelevant causes House to figure it out”?
How could you forget it’s “climactic”?
I did see that, but I thought it might have to do with climate change….
you know…..why “global warming” is going to kill us all.
Thanks, I’m not really familiar with the show but I was pretty sure the study of weather patterns has little to do with it.
I was getting worried that people really didn’t notice that.
It caught my eye and then I started wondering how many times something climatic happened in the show. I’m not remembering any that stand out. Be cool though, to have a random thunderstorm in the MRI or some such.
There need to be more “diagnose with something, run a test, realise they are wrong.” There needs to be like 6 of those.
How could you forget the Wilson-induced epiphany?
How could you forget that House is a horrible excuse for a television series?
you’ve obviously never watched an episode
Neither has anyone else. FOX only cancels good shows.
the majority of society doesn’t agree with you…clearly
The majority of society also elected Bush, are you sure you want them on your side? House is the most unrealistic medical show on TV. He never has to worry about insurance, they do all their own procedures, read their own studies, perform their own surgeries, and get a steady stream of patients with diseases that affect 1/100,000,000 people on a weekly basis. This show is a farce that is nothing but a Xerox of itself with a thinly-laced, behind the scene storyline that is an attempt to make him seem somehow human, which he clearly is not. Pop another Vicodin and watch away like a good little sheep.
Watching House hoping to see realistic medicine is like watching the Miss USA pageant for a celebration of natural beauty.
I don’t know anyone who watches House who thinks its realistic. They watch it for other reasons, such as the clever repartee.
No, by my friend the paramedic is not one that I can watch House with. He points out all of the inaccuracies and gets angry that the crew doesn’t do more to rectify these horrible atrocities.
Nobody watches medical dramas for the realism just like nobody watches crime dramas for their realism either. Shows like Law & Order, CSI, NCIS, ER, Gray’s Anatomy, etc. are all rather unrealistic. They run DNA tests in a few hours take DAYS and that’s the case breaker 75% of the time. The flaws you point out in House apply to every medical drama out there. In short, I agree with Pookie/ewwee, nobody watches House for it’s realism.
Doctor Who is unrealistic too …
And Star Trek.
If you want realism, go watch one of the ubiquitous fly-on-the-wall “documentaries” that are about nowadays.
I have never met you … but i hate you
That’s alright, you like House, so I hate you, as well.
You’re defending against the troll and ignoring the logical arguments.
Gold star.
You also forgot: “Let’s do a biopsy!”
Don’t forget doing ten biopsies with one minuscule piece of tissue (but they always manage)!!
biopsy is removal of a piece of tissue moron
It’s ok, she’s a secretary, cut her some slack
I think what was meant by that was running ten tests with one tiny piece of tissue. Or like 15 tests with 1 mL of blood.
Spelling police take the chart-maker away!
climatic = having to do with climate
climactic = having to do with the climax of something (like an episode of House)
Redundant definition police take this bore away!
That would be me. Sorry about the error. But thanks to you I got a knock on my door and some large men in uniforms took me away and locked me up for one to five years. I hate the spelling police. I am pretty sure my sixth grade teacher is a captain or something.
this graph is all sorts of win mr yubbles!
Wow, this is awfully creative.
It’s lupus.
I have a friend who is quite ill. She was investigated by numerous doctors for months and months.
It was lupus.
I must admit we all giggled about that one (including her).
Olivia Wilde = hot
This.
Jennifer Morrison is way better.
She was also much better as a brunette.
Chase totally beats them both.
Chase is cute, but I was totally jealous at the beginning of the episode “Lucky Thirteen.” I wanted to be that girl. Right until she got sick.
besides for the awesome part, this is pretty true, and funny
Don’t forget, “House repeats something he just said and looks off into the distance as inspiration strikes.”
Or something Wilson/Cuddy/Cameron/anyone else just said.
Should’ve added “Something happens inside the MRI”
=) Either MRI explodes, or patient has a heart attack.
Or has a seizure in the MRI
Or tries to take a gun into the MRI during a hostage situation.
Or a prison tattoo with metal ink burns through the patient’s skin.
lol.
you forgot the drilling into the skull part. happens almost every episode.
In the first season, I would have agreed. Not anymore. They haven’t drilled into a skull in a while. The last time I can remember is during the frozen episode, and they weren’t the ones drilling. It was the dude at the place with her. It was a while before that when the team actually drilled into a skull.
I disagree. I think the chart should be:
Patient has seizure (because everyone has a seizure)
Doctors meet patient, misdiagnose
Patient has another seizure, gets a lumbar puncture
Realize patient is going to die soon after something climactic
Snoop around stuff, find REAL cause
WAIT nevermind, everything’s gonna be ok
Climatic? I’ve never seen a House episode dealing with the weather. Perhaps it should be climactic…
For the missing “C” I will compensate you with several:
ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
Something climatic?? Like, the weather suddenly changes? Or it begins to rain in the operating room?
Graph maker is me. I apologize (with one p and one l.) For the missing “C” I will compensate you with several:
ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
It’s almost as though people think House is formulaic. hmm. . .
Uh, seriously? No one included “castigates his staff,” “pontificates on the silliness of evil human nature,” or the old reliable: “patient is lying -wait! patient is telling the truth -no, patient is covering up for someone”
Don’t forget the “lies to/from parents/spouse” either
After all, everyone lies
It’s Cancer…
Run a CT scan and a lung biopsy. No wait, it’s cancer!
i hate this show so much it’s so god-awful. The main character is just a big passive aggresive asshole who thinks people will accept him if he acts like a douche.
Pffff, guys, its swine flu. You know it, I know it.
BTW, thisgraph=epic xD
How hilarious and cutting edge. You know, since this joke has been being made for years now…except in much more funny ways.
what about the vicedine(SP?)?
1. Seizure
2. Lumbar puncture, Biopsy
3. Convince Cuddy to approve dangerous test
4. Sarcastic comment about Cuddy’s breasts (Anyone notice that the tops get lower and lower cut as it goes on?)
5. Misdiagnose, Wrong Treatment, Cough Blood, Near Death
6. Another Seizure
7. More tests
8. Correct Diagnosis
Oh my gonzo! Everyone give me a break! I made a mistake and now I am doing 1-5 in the clink after the spelling police arrested me. For the missing “C” I will compensate you with several:
ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
YES!
So true. So true.
But i still love House nonetheless
What about “do something extremely unethical that ends up being a key factor in curing the patient” and “make inappropriate comment about Cuddy’s boobs/Chase’s hair” and “pimp cane”? =D
You forgot “pretending to be an American”.
Looking at Hugh Laurie’s pretty blue eyes. Ahh. I love House.
You forgot the part where fluids leak out of various orifices.
I agree if you’re talking about seasons 1 and 2, and perhaps 3. But 4 and 5 have a much larger portion of pointless drama of the doctors having problems of their own. That’s not what made the show great. The fact that House was indestructible, even though he’s an ass and everybody around him said he would end up alone or ill, but that that would never happen. But now it has, so now the impossible has happened: House has failed, and as such, the show has.
they forgot steroids, they always give them steroids and it makes them bleed from somewhere they arent supposed to bleed from
climactic
There needs to be a step for “Pulling back the bedsheet to discover anal bleeding just as you thought you had a diagnosis.”