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I originally read the orange section as being “in the pub” and that was the only thing funny about this goddamn graph.
I hope you, and everyone else who makes these godawful Murphy’s law graphs get leprosy and that your reproductive organs rot out and fall off.
Especially if you’re dumb enough to have kids! When you put yourself in the situation you have only yourself to blame.
Wow, then your parents must have been really dumb.
Well, they didn’t make graphs to complain about babies puking. If you mind puking so much, don’t have kids.
I think we got our signals crossed. I don’t mind puking or kids. I just mind jokes that have been done to death.
as the person who created this chart- you are SERIOUSLY whacked in the head. what is your problem? if you dont want to see things like this then GET THE HELL OF THIS SITE. in case you havent noticed- all of these are intended to be funny and as a JOKE. get a life idiot.
I visit this site because some of the charts are quite funny. This one, along with every other “things are most likely to happen when they’re least convenient” graph, isn’t. If you can’t think of something original don’t come bitching to me when I call you out on it, leper.
@Izfunneh-Dude, are you even allowed to use the internet in anger management rehab? Get back in your little blue jammies, take your meds, and watch some Doogie Houser reruns. Also–your graph is trite, self-pitying, and phony. This brand of humor on graphjam is carbon dated.
Well, that’s you! I mind both. My only regret is that I don’t have a lawn I can yell at kids to get off of.
“Babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt!” – Jeff Foxworthy
boy if that aint the truth haha! everytime i put a clean shirt on him it only takes 3 seconds for him to puke on it.
Took that long, huh? My son would usually throw up as we put the shirt on. And he was on a special formula that smelled worse than rotten milk before it was mixed and consumed. And, yes, that was the way it was supposed to smell.
You forgot, “on the pizza delivery guy.”
I find that my baby pukes like somebody made her chug a gallon of milk.
How about ‘when your new boss insists on holding your baby at a work function and you’ve trained your family to act like boss-loving robots’
Yeah, it was the best of barf times, it was the worst of barf times.
By the second child we’de found a brownish throw rug to burp the baby over. Lay tyke across knees, gently pat his back, blurp onto the sacrificial rug.
GREAT! Just one forgotten thing. “Two minutes into an four hour long car trip”.
VERY TRUE!!! haha. hes done that too lol
Actual parent quote (by me): “Dear, does this shirt have too much barf on it to go to the mall?” Parenthood definitely changes your priorities.
“Not if it’s the baby-barf-beige one, Honey”
TRUE TRUE TRUE!!! i think i have even said “if you puke on it, i dont care, youre just gonna wear it and stink! i have changed your clothes five times today and i refuse to do it again mister!!”
If you keep changing them all the time, how else are they going to learn the consequences of their actions?? Way to foster personal accountability from an early age
You forgot: “On the way out the door late for work”
While wearing the last clean suit.
So true it hurts.
I really think it would be more accurate to just have one big section labeled “All the time”.
I glanced at it and read ‘Newborns” as “Neighbors.”
That made it much better.
Ahhh, this brings back memories. Oh wait, no it doesn’t. We didn’t get any sleep when we had newborns. Without sleep, the memories don’t form well. It was all a blur.
I’m pretty sure that neither of my children developed powerful puke muscles until they were toddlers. When you’ve been hit at close range, by a sick 15 month, you’ll long for the simpler days of the continual spit up from a newborn.
A newborn can really only mess up one garment at a time. A toddler has a lot more volume to work with, and they’re mobile, so they can spew over a whole area. Fortunately for the carpet, my children both preferred to throw up on me. When they felt sick, they wanted to be held by daddy. Once they were safely in my arms, they could relax a little and spew all over me.
My chart would be titled “where my children puke” and the whole disk would be “on daddy”. I’ve met other families, where the mom was the preferred puke target. Still other children were equal opportunity pukers, and would go for whichever parent was closest.
Oh, bummer, none of this was funny.
Oh yes! My second one was a world record holding puker. And he saved it all for daddy! We were living on base when my husband was active duty and he could come home for lunch…in his nice clean uniform that had to be specially pressed. This was baby’s happy time, right after he’d been fed. He’d giggle and coo and daddy just couldn’t resist picking him up and loving on him, which was always rewarded with a spew. After a while we figured out to cover dad completely in bath towels and sit him in the old chair to hold the baby.
I’m pretty sure the purple pie should say, “Immediately after placing in carseat”
STFU, Parents!
Right after the speaker says “I’m HIV positive”
It’s an inside joke.
My daughter puked EVERYTHING for a week straight, all over me, the carpet, the bed, all her toys… everything. That was a FUN week.
Why was she puking, you ask? The little darling swallowed a penny, and it was lodged in her esophagus. It only too 3 hospital trips to 2 different hospitals to figure it out, too!