How pissed off I am at a crying baby vs. where the baby is.
How pissed off I am at a crying baby vs. where the baby is.
Graph by anon, via our GraphJam builder.
Make your own using our Graph Builder or upload your own files, images or videos. All our charts are user-submitted.
« Previous Funiness of Lake names | Time Spent While Gift Wrapping Next »
Shanking a baby, now that’s hardcore.
Not as hardcore as throwing a temper tantrum at an effin Jason Statham movie. I think that baby did him a favor.
Haha, YES! I hope that he was not pissed off about the crying baby, but rather that he was pissed off at parents stupid enough to bring their baby to such a movie.
OMG there was this couple who brought a baby into DISTRICT 9!! GOD IT WAS SCREAMIGN SOOO MUCH!! i wanted to tell them to stfu but i got bored and left as soon as it ended………..
i had the same feelings towards ALL (there was more then one) of the babies while watching 300.
I had that same thing happen, but it was at the IMAX showing of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. And of course the baby was right behind my chair. Honestly, what kind of idiot screwup would bring his 18 month old to an IMAX to watch Lord of the Rings? Get a babysitter damn it! Let me watch my movie in peace!
I bet there were 300 of them.
Replace ‘the movie “Death Race”‘ with ‘on an airplane’ and then it’s good.
OH GOD I KNOW. THERE’S NO ESCAPE!!! AND IT’S NORMALLY QUIET, UNTIL THE BABY STARTS CRYING.
Ugh sorry for capslock I had to sit next to a mother and her child recently. She also let her kid smack me with magazines. >:(
how about being in an enclosed space like an airplane, you left that one out!!!
Oh god yes. Especially when you have a headache because the custom agents were a pain in the rear, then having to hear a baby cry for hours on end… of course, taking a knife there probably would get you flagged as a terrorist, even if it would be for the good of mankind.
Yes and then after all that you find out that they left your luggage in Paris!
“Especially when you have a headache
because the custom agents were a pain the rear…”
Must have been some well-endowed customs agents, then.
You poor soul, having to listen to a baby cry. At least your eardrums aren’t exploding from the pressure change like the kid’s are. Have you heard of headphones?
Parents fault- bring the baby something to suck on when departing/landing and the kid wont have issues.
Death Race is a fail movie. Death Race 2000 is pure win and hilarity. Sly Stallone, ftw!
Agreed. I think this person deserves to hear a crying baby for the rest of eternity for having gone to see Death Race at all, really. In fact, I’d venture to say that he/she is a lousy potato.
You forgot “in the airplane seat behind mine.” There’s nothing worse.
The only thing worse is some douche hat bitching about the baby. Babies cry. That’s what they do. It is what you did. Suck it up and have some compassion.
Try two planes in a row, after getting delayed for 17 hours because of snow. Blood #$%in children.
They have bark collars for dogs. But babies, noooooo.
nah, bark collars are “cruel”
Do what people who own Shelties do, have their voice boxes cut out… its a much more effective technique, plus it saves you a lifetime of replacing those little fricken batteries.
maybe the graphmaker is simply offering to preform this corrective surgery?
you forgot the midnight showing of Return of The King
ITS 2:30 AM YOU NERFHERDER!! IF YOU’RE TO DUMB TO GET A SITTER, SHOW THE REST OF US SOME COURTESY AND TAKE THE POOR, SCARED TO DEATH BABY OUTSIDE WHILE GANDALF IS TRYING TO RELAY SOME WISDOM AND HOPE TO THE HOBBIT IN THE FINAL BATTLE SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/please add extra venom and spite to the emotion you are associating with this comment to approximate my feelings
I feel a great amount of venom and spite towards anyone who would use the phrase “nerfherder.”
please substitute your expletive of choice. I try to avoid words that are overtly offensive. This one was bland enough to be rated G without being completely overused. I mean, if I said booty head, would that have helped any?
Personally, I feel a great amount of respect and love for anyone who would use nerfherder as an expletive-substitute. Princess Leia FTW!
What the hell is wrong with you. It’s a BABY.
a baby that has no business in the theater where an R rated movie is playing, especially one that is (I deduce) extremely loud and extremely violent.
I agree with you completely. Get a sitter or stay home. That’s the choice you made when you chose to have a baby/keep your accident.
Your not pissed off “at a crying baby” then are you, you are pissed off “at it’s stupid mother/father”
Just means it’s easier to shank.
What the hell is wrong with you, taking a baby to any movie theater. Not like it’s going to follow the plot.
Speaking as a parent many times over, any moron who brings a baby (especially a teething infant) into a place where mature behavior is expected deserves all the vitriol they get. If there’s no option other than schlepping the baby along, then get the kid out as fast as you can!
second
and so are you, what’s your point!?
can you say “vasectomy”?
not as annoying as you…….
get a better comeback…
blow me you douchebag …. is that better TiM????
Not particularly, no.
ok then douchbag what would be an adequate comeback to those
douchebags???
I have never taken either of my kids to ANY movies because I don’t like kids in movies, in general. But babies in church? Sometime I’M so bored in church I want to cry…I don’t begrudge a little one a few tears in God’s house. jesus loves the little children and all that.
granite, this graph was prolly written by the childless.
but after all, the church baby only makes him angry. a perfectly reasonable response
Childless has nothing to do with it. Sane parents wouldn’t even take a little INFANT to a G-rated movie . Not so sure about the church one, but then again, there are child care rooms for babies on up to twelve-year-olds at EVERY church I’ve ever been to.
I live in a really small community. Most of our churches have Sunday school at one time and service at another so that children can attend. Some of the churches here don’t have enough people to have somewhere for the kids. (I’ve actually been to a church that uses a local popular restaurant for services!)
We live in a large city, but only one church within a 5 mile radius (a half-hour drive) has a “Bawl Room”. Our family leaves the squealers with family until they’re old enough to behave.
Yeah I’m surprised that church made him angry. I mean isn’t church where grownups and their children go to hear fairytales?
As some one with a baby, I have to ask what do you have against them in church, maybe if you went a bit more growing up you wouldn’t become so pissed when they point out how badly YOUR kid is playing in band. As far as the movie thing, I agree that you shouldn’t take a baby to a movie like that. I could see if it was some kids cartoon, but even then you should be ready to leave if they are upset.
I’m sure he didn’t mean in the entire church building, but in the sanctuary where there are those trying to listen to a sermon when the parent could be taking the crying infant to the nursery so it won’t upset everyone else.
On kids crying in church:
My church’s philosophy is that the sound of kids in the pews is a blessing, *unless* they are unhappy, at which point, they should be taken out. Not because of disrupting other people, but because church should not be associated with misery.
I know, I know–many will latch on to that last clause. Please restrain yourselves.
-puts tape over mouth and handcuffs himself- okay i think i can keep it in now :/ sorry, but that phrase is TOO ironic.
Yikes, don’t you think the knife part is a bit much? Though understandably frustrating, saying “I’m getting my knife,” even in jest, is just sick.
Let’s try and explain this so you understand…
It’s funny because it’s sick.
Geddit?
uncle fester, you are terrific on this site
The graph implies that he is only upset at babies crying durning his kids recital. So either he doesn’t care if there are 20 ones screaming at someones elses or babies cry a lot during his kids playing. And as he is almost always upset at crying I guessed it was the second. And except little babies with collic babies almost always have a reason for crying. Also, although my kids usualy act good in public, if any of them act up we leave as soon as possible. As again it means they are tired, hungry etc.
I can has commas plz?
“My child’s band recital” could easily be referring to the whole event, including parts that don’t involve the poster’s child.
Or that one band might be the only act at the recital, eh?
Angry at a BABY? It’s possible to be angry at someone who has no concept of what his actions – which he/she can’t control yet – are doing to someone else? Seriously, people get ANGRY at babies?
I have 3 children, and have been around many babies. They irritate me sometimes, I get annoyed and even ANGRY at the parents. But this is the most tasteless, senseless, worst graph I have ever seen on this site. It is offensive and repulsive. The BABY did not choose to be taken to the movie, church, the recital, or anywhere for that matter, so no one has any right or reason to be angry with the baby. I would be angry and irritated with parents who brought a baby to a movie where it was not appropriate, but not the baby. The baby didn’t choose to come, and can’t choose to leave.
As a fully paid up and founder member of the King Herod Appreciation Society, I pretty much think if people can’t keep their benighted offspring in check then they should stay home. The kind of short bus kind of retard takes an infant to a movie deserves the same special sort of opprobrium and derision (and tarring an feathering) that one reserves for people who can’t turn their mobile phones off in theatres
Having said that, folks with imaginary friends deserve all they get from the mewling,puking, screaming monsters they’ve sired into stultifying ignorance and superstition…
You can tell, I chose not to choose life… and I’m a paper (Weddings, baptisms and funerals) Anglican.
As a revised thought – Tarring and feathering is too good for em (the parents). Drag em outside and set a tyre on fire round their neck…
Finally, an a priori assumption that the graph maker is pissed off at the baby personally… talk about honi soit que mal y pense… I assumed he was going to slot the parents and dump the baby outside to be raised by feral dogs, which would be a step up from any parent that takes their child to a loud, dark place, with flashing lights.
This is the best comment I have ever read on here.
Are we related?
If I wasn’t married, I would ask you to marry me.
i’ll ask him for you. i mean, i’ll get married to him in your space.
even though i’m straight, that comment was sexy.
no matter who wrote it. even if a Gorgon wrote that, i’d still dry hump ‘em for god’s sakes.
I’d be happier with it if I’d typed ‘reserved’ and not ‘reserves’… and got the spacing right on the comma delimited list.
How about in a nice restaurant where you’re paying big $ for you and a friend/date/etc. to have a nice night out… leave the kid at home! (Or at least have the consideration to take it outside when it screams.)
Ritalin! The diner’s friend
Thank you!
Leave your kid at home, people. I paid for this *insert recreation* and not to hear your child whine. How can you afford to come to this, but not to hire a babysitter? -facepalm-
Stay at home with your kid would be the better option.
How about a waiting room? Ugh, I just want to scream whenever I hear a kid having a meltdown! Especially if it’s a toddler!
I would like to see every single one of you knuckle dragging jerks be locked up in a room with several crying babies. Did you forget you ALL were crying babies at somepoint in your lives? I gauran-damn-tee your cries pissed off someone too!! As for those who suggest getting a sitter? I don’t see you volunteering! Let’s see what your feelings are when YOU become parents. Here’s a suggestion, try to walk a mile in a person’s shoes before you judge them. It’s called COMPASSION people, HAVE SOME!!!!
I agree wholeheartedly. (I don’t care if it’s not one word)
Yeah, I’ll agree that we all cried as infants. But you know what some of our parents did? They took us outside until we cooled down. That seems like the sensible thing to do. When you choose to have a child (and yes, it is a choice) you are choosing to set aside some of your luxuries.
The only group of people I can imagine not having a choice would be rape victims, and to them, I apologize in advance if someone yells at your baby.
Also, I thought Death Race was an okay movie, but the original was better.
Also also, knifing a baby is bad.
I have compassion; I just find it irritating when babies cry in inconvenient places.
I love the threat of ‘WHEN you become parents’…
Remember, some people choose not to breed, for all sorts of reasons… So, the fact that YOU either didn’t work out what caused it before it was too late, or chose to inflict another mouth on to an overburdened planet, really doesn’t give you much of a pass in my book. Look after the child AT HOME. It’s where all its support stuff is, and after 8000 years of civilisation, during which time we put up pyramids and had more robust child labour laws, we have technologies like ‘DVDs’ or, for the more technologically impaired ‘VHS’ for playing ‘moving pictures’ on for the neotenous loons who spawned the poor infant. It’s a lot easier on the baby.
And since you were either too dumb to avoid it, or choice to have one, you’ve got the compassion you deserve…
You suck, and your baby is stupid and ugly.
So what if we were all crying infants? I’m not personally angry at the baby in that situation but since the sound of a baby crying is one of the most annoying sounds ever I do get pissed when I hear one in the middle of a theatre. Also, not everyone chooses to have kids. Or doesn’t know how to properly use birth control as I’m suspecting you don’t. Many people choose not to procreate.
Also, I’ve babysat tonnes of kids. And I still hate them. I’m definitely never having children.
I am a parent of two children. I was always smart enough to never put my children in a position where they’ll annoy others with their crying. Until they grew old enough to understand what was happening, they weren’t dragged to the movies or into a nice eating establishment where they’d be a nuisance. Sacrificing some of your recreational activities is part of the responsibilities taht come with having a baby.
At church, McDonalds, or even Wal Mart, we were polite enough to take the our children out of earshot when they became distressed. It’s called common courtesy. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize most people will be annoyed and uncomfortable when there’s a lot of screaming and wailing going on.
So I have been in the position you describe. Yes, after having been through it, I still get very annoyed with the ignorant parents who impose their screaming children on others. Having a baby doesn’t give you a license to be rude but it does revoke your license to do anything and go anywhere you want at any time. It’s all part of the game until they get old enough to understand basic manners.
The people who pay good money to see a movie or have a relaxing meal deserve a good experience. You are ruining it with your selfish self-indulgence when you choose to bring your screaming baby into those situations. Make your sacrifices now, raise your children well, and you’ll reap the rewards later.
Don’t even get me started on the morons who have kids who ARE old enough to learn manners and still act like wild heathens in public.
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!
AMEN! Testify!
Wal*Mart is hell on earth and no one, let alone children, should be dragged inside against their wills.
Well said! Your children are lucky to have a conscientious parent. They’ll probably grow up to be considerate human beings
May I kiss your feet?
Yeah, I was a baby once, and MY parents had the brains to keep me from annying other people. It’s called…. are you ready for this… BEING A PARENT!
Can’t afford a sitter? Stay home then. Don’t want to stay home? Find yourself a time machine and hand your past-self a condom and some common sense.
Ugh. Because of course, only people who have kids can ever understand what it’s like because being a PARENT IS SOOOOO HARD. Parents like you whine as much as your kids do, which is really quite pathetic.
Also, the word compassion is not the word you want. Because compassion has nothing to do with this situation. Patience, yes and perhaps even tolerance, but I don’t think that the feeling we reserve for those who, when seeing human beings in dire situations like starvation or abuse, is applicable to feeling sorry for a parent when they, gasp, have to be a parent.
I try to be patient with kids when they get loud in public, but there does come a point when it’s just too much and a parent has a responsibility to remove the child from the situation until they can behave. And if they’re of an age where that isn’t possible, then the parent ought to work around that.
I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but that’s your job as a parent. Don’t like it, tough titty. You didn’t have to be a parent in the first place.
Nor do I think it’s too much to ask parents to either get a sitter or keep the child at home in certain situations. Again, sorry if parenthood is SOOOOO HARD, but you can just cry me a river, because it’s your problem and you should deal with it instead of making everyone suffer because you’re too damn lazy to deal with your own kid.
Shouldn’t the baby’s crying improve “Death Race?”
Schinlder’s List – probably. ‘Death Race’ would only be improved by being very drunk
Schinlder’s List is a great movie.
I don’t think anything can improve Death Race.
I’ve tried drink – it does work.
Dude! Don’t knife the babies, knife the parents. Babies are cool!
Ditto that
Hey #1….Having a baby is a choice, not a constitutional right! You make a choice, you deal with the consequences! That may mean you and your crotch-rocket stays home instead of going out to eat or to a movie. You have absolutely no right to force anyone else to deal with the consequence of your choice! You’re ill and need help? Fine, I will babysit, you want to drool over Brangelina….rent the DVD!!!
sorry, abeotch, I don’t do my drooling over females, and I KNOW having a baby is a choice! Unlike you, I HAVE a brain.
Brad Pitt is a woman!?! Damn me… I never knew.
So, where do you keep this alleged ‘brain’?
In it’s head up it’s a$$, of course!
Not to mention that babies probably shouldn’t be riding motorcycles.
There are so many inadvertently funny things about this graph… the least of which is pulling a knife on a baby. I agree with anon – that’s not really in the best interest of taste to joke about :S
I could say that the person who posted this graph should be shot immediately so he really DOESN’T put a knife in a baby, but I won’t. I mean, come on, the baby doesn’t know anything. Do you think that yelling or physically hurting something that can’t even hold its own head up makes a lick of sense?! Yes, babies can get irritating, but being pissed isn’t going to make them stop crying. If you get that fed up, either find a way to cool yourself down or leave the area. Good grief, this guy needs some anger management.
Where does he say ‘knife the baby’? Hmmm? You’re a sick puppy to think he meant ‘knife the baby’…
OK, if he doesn’t put a knife in a baby, what else is he going to do with it? Jab himself?
The parents? I just think that if you’re going to be that angry over something you should stay at home. Or at least learn to control your anger.
I think if you have a screaming kid you should stay at home…
but since you ask, the parents would be the logical place to use the implement…
I still say you’re a sick puppy to think of knifing babies out of the box…
Well, in the graph he says he’s pissed at the baby. There is nothing about parents there. Then the poster continues to say that when the baby is crying over the movie Death Race, he is going to go get his knife. The only subject there is the baby, so if he’s not going to knife the baby, the poster should have worded his graph differently. Since he didn’t, it seems to me that he is going to do something violent. Call me a sick puppy if you wish – it doesn’t bother me.
Apparently it did, otherwise you’d not be justifying the whole depth of sickness…
Just saying.
and you seem to know an AWFUL lot about the graph creator’s thoughts and motivations… makes one ponder… could it be… no…
If you’re implying that I am the poster of the graph… Well, no, I am not. I’m just guessing. One thing though. The poster of the graph is by “anon.” There are several comments by a certain “Anon.” I believe you actually commented on these comments. So? The strange thing is that the Anon who commented was disagreeing with the graph. Just in case you wanted to know.
DAMN! My ‘I Give a DAMN!’ Baggy White Tee shirt with big black 1980s ‘Wham!’ lettering – I’m not wearing it. Easy mistake to make…
Meh, Satchfan, don’t make fun of us just because we’re different :/ some of us like dead baby jokes, some don’t.
Understanding joke fail.
LOL you go to church. n00b.
If brevity is the soul of wit, it’s the offspring of Mark Twain on line…
Getting out a knife against a helpless infant who is trying to get it needs met . . . not funny at all.
Stabbing the parents . . . extremely funny.
Stabbing people dopey enough to misinterpret the graph to mean stabbing the baby . . . funniest possible outcome.
No. The graph is very unclear. It sure looks like the graph states there is to be physical harm to an infant, not necessarily the situation in which a parent brings the child. So, not funny.
I had to leave Yellowstone Park as there were parents bringing small children and infants through the walkways where you can be inches away from 200 degree boiling geyser pools. Send your venom that way. Its the very definition of insanity.
Hilarious. Thank you. You’re right.
If I put two brain cells together, you would be outnumbered.
Grasp of hyperbole fail. Personally I would have used “I’m getting my gun,” but to each his own, yes?
-high fives-
Slap that baby, make him free
Even if the graph does mean that the poster would be stabbing a baby, it’s a JOKE. Get a sense of humour. I doubt if someone really did knife babies they wouldn’t post a humorous graph about it online. They’d go out and knife more babies.
There is nothing “funny” about stabbing a baby, even implying it. Even if that’s not what the creator meant, the fact that some of you sick bastards think it’s funny to IMPLY that nauseates me.
With all the horrible stuff going around in the news, especially what happened to Caylee Anthony, there is absolutely no appropriate time to joke about hurting or killing babies/children. Very distasteful and I hope this graph is removed ASAP.
Over on PK this is what it known a a ‘CARE TROLL’… is there a name for it here?
Um no, I am not a “care troll”…i’m a human being who doesn’t find humor in knifing children. And i’m also a mother who would never ever take a baby or toddler to a movie theater, ftr.
QED – thanks for proving the point…
“Down with this sort of thing” – a great mantra there…
lawl, you obviously ARE a care troll, so relax and admit it there’s nothin wrong with it
i mean, who but one would be hyper-sensitive to hyperboles such as this one?
Bawwww
One of the quickest ways to silence a screaming infant is with a breast. Unfortunately many of the people who are outraged by the mere suggestion that their crotchdropping is annoying (or anything other than innocent and sacred and a blessing on the earth) are the SAME people who pitch an utter fit over the notion of a woman breastfeeding in public. Try and figure that one out.
If they flicked a tit out, I’d not care. Long as the little darling didn’t vomit on ME at the end…
And when you’re the teacher of their precious darlings you don’t dare stop the little dears from bashing another kid’s face in because, well, their precious darling would never do something so uncivilized.
I think you’ll find that Jeffry Dahmer’s parents thought pretty much the same. I still feel bad for those people…
People I feel less for are Dustin Camp’s parents… who simply explained away as youthful high jinks his ability to kill someone. Hell, even his pastor said he was a ‘good boy’ and a the jury said if Deneke was on trial for running down Camp under the same circs, he’d be for the needle. But then, Amarillo isn’t actually the real world, but some ‘Leave It to Beaver’ hell…
?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!… Dude I see your comments everywhere! THAT IS NOT AN INSULT!! At least you might not have a baby brother that cries every minute of the day, just about! Well, I call him a baby. I am 6 years older then him and my brother is 12. He does cry though! It is usually to get me in “TROUBLE” when I near him while holding something that he things might hurt if I wanted to hit him with it. LOL. I am serious he is either sensitive or he just wants attention. I don’t know he hates me anyway. XP
You’re eighteen and your grammar is that poor?
-shakes head-
Terrible. And before you get all defensive, I’m only a year older.
Ok if that was to me, so what. I am not stupid, I did forget a word! It was almost midnight. I was up late and well, you get it.
your brother does that? even if you just walk past him with like a magazine in your hand?
Yep. Every time I go near him with something in my hand. Even with just like a piece of paper!
you guys are pissed off at a kid for doing what kids do and not knowing any better? You guys are douche bags.
easy for you to say… YOU probably don’t have a kid in your house that cries a lot! and really soon, i am going to have to be a big sister to TWO kids, not just my brother!
did you beat him when he was very, very tiny with some kind of tool in your hand? O.O
o and just for the record, my brother is 12…
Lets not forget baby crying on long haul flight.
Insert restaurants in there. Or people that have their children on the SMOKING side of the restaurant. What the hell is wrong with you? It’s an infant, even if you smoke, don’t bring it to this side. Not only are you harming your child, but you messing the whole experience up for those who came to enjoy their meal, a beer, and a cigarette.
And I agree, it’s not right to be angry with the baby. It’s not the baby’s fault, he scared, hungry, or tired. That’s when baby’s cry, parents should know that. It’s the moronic parents’ faults.
Why all this baby coddling? I mean I hate babies in movie theatres and restaurants all crying loudly and jabbering away in nonsense words and shooting their pistols in the air and throwing tequilla bottles at the waitresses. Or is that mexican banditos?
why the hell is a baby at death race? and for that matter, why are you? its terrible!
i think the main problem here is that the baby is at a non age appropriate movie
In my case, it would be all the way up for all of them.