idiots, yet to find a help desk person from any business who has a clue.

Helpdesk 3 years Earthlink…….

Now happily the IT Director 12 years later somewhere else never having to speak with the public about their:

1: Coffee Cup Holders
2: Mouse with the “Dust Cover” on it not working
3: Monitor not plugged in
4: Computer not plugged in
5: Oh I deleted a bunch of stuff in the Windows Directory to free up space
6: My computers too slow (Maybe you should stop garage sale shopping)
7: I deleted something, then emptied the recycle bin…. now I want it back
8: My email is not working (Maybe because you’re not online)
9: My internet isn’t working (Because you plugged the Ethernet cable into the analog phone jack)
10: (My personal favorite) I ran this registry mechanic, or cleaner, or other random registry editing program and now nothing works.

I am a programmer and when I have some problem I need solution the helpdesk morons usually suppose I’m the stupid one until proven otherwise (about 99%). When they finally get to the point they’re saying

“type this type that” and when doesn’t work they connect me to next person-instead of saying
“sorry our login is broken you have to force username (i.e. use a flag in their program)”.

Could have saved that 30 minutes to do something productive-IF any one of the 3 people I got connected to would just have said that one sentence. Luckily the last one of them figured out I’m not a moron and connected me to the local person who _knew_ something about computers: 4th was the basic basement-geek who immediately stated just that one sentence. My response: “thank you”.

I did not see it fair to tell him that all other persons so far were morons who thought like the picture on top of this page.

” IT Helpdesk, how may we be of service?”
“Um, my computer is broken…”
“How do you mean broken? Will it start up (boot)?”
“Yeah, all that works, but my auto-cup-holder won’t retract anymore.”
(IT guy takes a second to think about what was just said…)
“Oh my, I regret to inform you sir, that what you are referring to is called the CD-Rom drive. It is used to access data from those new-fangled shiny disks.”
“Ok, well can I get a new one then”
“Of course we will replace it…. on one condition?”
“Thanks, what’s the condition?”
“Don’t use it as a cup-holder anymore!”

After about 10 more minutes re-explaining why it wasn’t a cup-holder, and that usage was the reason it was broken…. sure enough his boss calls with the same problem. (And after replacing the drive, the gears/tray were laiden with dry coffee…)

It is days like these that really highlight the brevity of the “Miscellaneous Stupidity” pie in that chart. (And when you get home, make you curl up with a nice stiff scotch.) It is truely impressive how many of the IT people still attempt to show respect in the face of that blatent ignorance. (Especially when you want to go over there and set them straight with a tack hammer.)

Have also had to do basic Windows tutorials for people. even though I’m not a Mac-o-phile, I have to show the Mac-lusers how to run their machines. Lusers because they refuse to learn, no because they have Macs. Yeah, he hit the nail on the head with this graph!

May all you people with electronic gadgets glued to your belts die a horrible death.

“Erm… OK, if you move the keyboard like so…. the floppy disk can come out.”

My brand of IT support also covers questions like:
- Every piece of software in the company, even if it’s not my field.
- “How can I fax a copy of my passport?”
- “Could you help fix the boiler in the kitchen?”
- “What camera should I get for my boyfriend?”
- “I need to get my diesel car serviced. Can you recommend anywhere?”

*sigh*

“Why isn’t it working?!”
“We sent out an e-mail explaining we’re upgrading the security program two days ago.”
“I don’t read campus announcements. And why did you have to change it?”
“Because this is going to make the entire network run faster.”
“But I liked it better the old way!”

Mostly because the old way meant they could run their file sharing programs and bog down the entire campus.

I worked at a restaurant, and when customers refused to leave after closing hours (seriously…who comes in at 8:55 and expects to be waited on when we close at 9:00 pm), the cleaning crew would sit in the back and do the exact same thing.

Also, I feel the Graph Artist’s pain: I do the same thing in the air, and the only saving grace I have is when the people who used to ask me stupid questions stop asking those same stupid questions because they know I won’t repsond to them.

Also, I do it on the ground when I’m not flying as well. The applications here are limitless.

For those unaware… ID-10T = IDIOT

That company’s stock is now worth about 1/3 of its value a year ago.

I’d say the graph is pretty accurate… I don’t have quite as many lost file/email complaints though…

We do not expect user to know the Technical part (that is our Job) but if you cannot locate the ‘Backspace’ on your Keyboard, should you be using a computer. Therefore if you fit the above, you are the ‘Helpless’ because you can’t be helpded. We expect you to call us for real issue and not for something even my 3 years old can locate. I had a guy, from California, calling us, in PA, just to ask us who was his local Phone Company and when I told him to check his Administrative Person, he said that I called you because you are the Helpdesk… Next time, I might receive a call from someone needed assistance in locating his shoes or car keys so that he can get to work… God Bless Us…

Don’t worry, we hate you Help(less) Desk people as much as you hate us :O